Pieces of Prayer and Hope

     Being in charge of another life (in other words, being a parent), is a very challenging job. It's a lot of responsibility to know when an illness warrants a doctor visit, or when to have a conference with a teacher over a problem at school; also, when to just leave things alone and let time run its course. My instincts kick in to protect and defend these kids, but sometimes, I have to swallow my desire to run over everyone and to just let time play it's hand.

     It's also another playing field to be parenting another person's children while they are getting their family rehabilitated to be able to have their children come back home. Am I making the right choices? Do I look too closely into things? How can I help transition these children without it being a scary or traumatic event?

     I love these kids. I pray that they'll be safe on their return home. I also hope that I'm doing the best job that I can do while they are in my home. My family has become their family, and pieces of my heart belong with them, too.

Reality...and it stinks...

     Today was a day of realization for me. I came to the sobering thought that the kids that are in my care today could grow up, become school aged, and then leave for reunification with their birth families. I can't imagine having to say goodbye to a child that I've had in my care for three, four or five years. We're talking a kindergarten aged child that has been with a family since birth, and having them leave our home to go to their "real" home.

     I mean, I could dig very deep into my "Christian" bag of thoughts & pull out a deep thought like, "But aren't we all misplaced children until we reach our final "home" in heaven..." But let's just get real for a moment. This stinks!

     I've often dealt with the raw feelings of the unknown of being a foster parent, but I haven't come face to face with the brutal truth that the children's best interest aren't really what is being considered if the above scenario takes place. It's a crazy thought, isn't it?

     Here is another one. I've had one child since they were only a few days old. Let's use this hypothetical scenario that plays over and over each day in our court systems. I will teach this baby to roll over, to then sit, eventually walk, talk and run. This child will call me, Mommy, and my husband will be, Daddy. If we move, so will they. When the child is sick, I come to their aide. I will register the child for any schooling, make lunches, teach them to tie their shoes, and I may be lucky enough to see their first tooth lost. However, in all that time, I could get a phone call to pack their bags and to send them on their way.

     How does one prepare a child, much less oneself, for this kind of blow? How will and do I prepare their siblings for such a blow? We'll be mourning the loss of a family member, for in most cases, you never really hear from these children or their family's again. Forgive me for my bluntness, here, but it is almost ALMOST like having a terminally ill child. You know that your time may be cut short, but you just have no time frame to go on. You cry a lot, thinking about the day that they'll leave you. You want to do everything with and for them because you just don't know how much longer they'll be with you. You're not exactly sure about where they'll be going, but you do know that you'll miss them like crazy. At least, in death, you know that they are "safe" and at rest. You know that they are in a better place. It isn't the same, but it is the closest example that I can grasp.

Is God Laughing at Me?

     Have you ever heard the saying, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans."  Well, can you hear the laughter outside your window? We've been very blessed with a house full of laughter, chaos and children (those things go hand in hand, by the way). However, I never planned on having five sets of little feet running though our home. God brought us here. 


     I "planned" on having four biological children, but that wasn't God's plan. I never dreamed that I'd ever want to be a foster parent. That wasn't in my "plan", but God brought us here. A little while ago, we became a licensed foster home. The ride, so far, has been insane. It has been frustrating; it has been stressful, and it is downright hard at times. Yet, there is a flip side. Being a parent to these children has been rewarding, humbling and a downright honor. My heart has grown with each child that has passed through our doorstep.


     Now, back to the laughter, we have "planned" on adopting a child or children if that privilege ever presents itself, but I have no idea what God has planned for us. My mind swims with questions: Will we ever adopt? How long will it take? Is this our forever child? Is this healthy for our family? Why are we doing this, again?


I must rely on the truth that is instilled in my heart:  
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.


     I don't know where this ride will take us or when it will end, but my prayer and hope is that God won't laugh too hard at our "plans" to adopt & bless us with another miracle!